Building a Friendship With Your Spouse and 15 Keys To Get There
What Does It Mean to Be Best Friends?
Being a best friend means watching out for what is best for them. It means supporting them through thick and thin. It is enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh, and working and playing well together. Building a friendship with your spouse is essential to a lasting marriage.
Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of The 30 Secrets of Happily Married Couples and contributor to All-in-One-Marriage Prep, says that
“Friendship is a form of intimacy. It represents a sharing, an openness, a willingness to be vulnerable. It requires a degree of trust. Friends show caring to one another by their availability, their thoughtfulness.”
Building a Friendship With Your Spouse
We believe there are 15 key aspects a marriage needs to develop, re-build, or maintain friendship in marriage.
15 Keys to Build a Friendship With Your Spouse
- Spend quality time together. Establish a time each week, then guard it with your lives! Ok, maybe not with your lives. You get the point, it’s important. Don’t allow it “flexible” to other responsibilities or events that come up.
- Explore each other’s interests. Intentionally study the things that influence your husband or wife and enthusiastically join them. It may take some sacrifice on your part, especially if it’s not your cup of tea, but the results are completely worth it.
- Excellent communication is a key to building a friendship with your spouse. Marriages that share honestly about matters, whether positive or challenging, build stronger relationships.
- Acknowledge and affirm qualities that you love about each other. Don’t assume they already know. Write them a note, text, or in person.
- Play together! Laughter and fun are keys to building a friendship with your spouse.
- Celebrate each other’s differences. Surprise! You aren’t carbon copies. Accept and allow each other to be themselves without judgment.
- Encourage each other. Help one another excel. Anticipate pitfalls. Also, nudge or boot each other along.
- Trust, accountability and mutual respect should be a priority in the areas of relationships, sex, and finances.
- Be gentle with each other. Being best friends with your spouse means nourishing and caring for one another. It provides comfort. Building a friendship with your spouse makes it possible to sympathize, empathize, and lift each other up in difficult times.
- Be transparent with one another. Don’t limit your conversations to reporting the events of the day. Be real with how you feel.
- Work together on projects. Not only are you spending time together, but you are also building team skills.
- Learn to fight fair. Being best friends with your spouse doesn’t mean you never argue. Disagreements in marriage can be a building block to a stronger relationship if you learn to fight fair in marriage. Use conflicts to sharpen and purify your friendship.
- Establish daily habits, especially praying together.
- Shared interests and values are a key to building a friendship with your spouse.
- Be willing to learn together and from one another.
Building a friendship with your spouse has more staying power than desire. You need to act on it first, middle, and last.
What’s Your BFF Status?
Sometimes it is a good idea to take a gentle, loving inventory so you can set goals to improve. We encourage you to use this list to reflect on your friendship status in your marriage. In what areas are you rocking it? Which ones could you apply some attention? Are there any you find severely lacking?
Eagle Family Ministries is passionate about you building a friendship with your spouse. Whether you are engaged, newlyweds, oldy weds, or a blended family, we offer fun marriage retreats, conferences, and relationship coaching to equip you with the tools you need for a happy, healthy marriage.
We want to hear from you. How has building a friendship with your spouse enriched your marriage? How have you built or maintained it? Comment and let us know.