Many marriages struggle because of poor communication rather than a total lack of communication. Marriages that range along only two emotional states (angry and not angry) do not lead to a healthy, happy relationship. So, here’s the question – how do you communicate your needs to your husband?
What Are My Needs?
The first step is to figure out what your needs are. If you don’t know what they are, how can you communicate them to your husband? It may take some work to figure it out. There are basic needs such as food, security, love, and support. But also ask what your emotional and spiritual needs are.
Take some time to write them down. Put whatever comes to mind. After a few weeks to a month, you will begin to see a pattern and can organize them into different categories.
Establish a Regular Time to Talk
Once you’ve got an idea of what you need in life and the relationship, establish a regular time to talk together. Regularly communicating will build a habit rather than a once-in-a-blue-moon thing or only when something happens in a crisis or fight.
Take Turns Sharing
One way to develop a healthy habit of regular communication is by taking turns sharing. Use a timer, especially if one tends to dominate the conversation. Each partner takes 3 minutes where they can say what’s on their mind without interruption. When it’s your turn to listen, listen. Keep taking turns as long as you wish. You’ll be amazed at what you learn about each other.
Once you’ve developed a healthy foundation of basic communication with each other, it will be much easier for you to discuss more. Bring up your needs when it’s your turn to talk. Try to keep it impersonal. Don’t demand or criticize your husband. Share what you need and what’s on your heart.
Ask Without Expectations
Ask for what you need without expectations attached. That’s not easy. Keep your expectations at a healthy level. Remember, marriage is a complicated, fluid negotiation between two humans.
Also, say it once and drop it. Please resist the urge to nag and remind your husband every chance you get. It may take time and not happen on your desired timeline. However, your husband loves you, and he’ll probably surprise you with his support.
Help to Communicate Your Needs to Your Husband
For more tips on how to strengthen or build a healthy marriage check out our other blog topics. Or, you can attend one of our fun marriage retreats or Christian conferences where we discuss how to communicate with your husband along with many other topics.
Eagle Family Ministries also offers relationship coaching and premarital counseling. We look forward to partnering with you to build the foundation for a lifelong marriage.