Are you ready for part two of the handbook for husbands? Ask, and you shall receive. If you missed part one, stop here. Go back and read Duties of a Christian Husband: Part 1 first. All good? Let’s dive right into our topic about how to affirm your wife, shall we?
Affirm Her to Build Her Up
All throughout 1 Corinthians 14, Paul communicates that all things must be done for building up God’s people. How much more does this apply to your marriage? Affirm your wife by building her up and regularly remind her of how much she means to you.
Tip! If you’re fresh out of ideas of what that looks like, crack open Song of Solomon and drink in how he verbally affirmed his bride. You can’t go wrong there!
All that said, how can you do this?
How to Affirm Your Wife
Affirm your wife specifically.
All throughout Song of Songs, Solomon models how to specifically affirm and admire a wife. One example is chapter seven. Solomon goes from the bottom of his wife to the top. He starts at her feet and specifically addresses how lovely she is to the top of her head. It’s specific, passionate, and thoughtful. And, it’s absolutely appropriate.
Saying that your wife is beautiful is great. But being specific is better. The more specific you can be, the better because it shows thought, care, intentionality, and creativity.
Affirm your wife proactively.
In Song of Solomon, his bride battles fear and worry. He responds by speaking tenderly to her. He initiates and proactively verbalizes his love and care for her. Solomon showers her with overwhelming confirmation of love that she is beautiful, his darling, his lover, and his dove. She captivates him. Solomon doesn’t wait for her to do something before he responds with loving words. He proactively pursued and created ways to affirm her body, heart, and character. And so can you. Initiate it!
Affirm your wife lovingly.
The biblical definition of love means giving oneself sacrificially to the other for their benefit regardless of how they respond. Love is always self-giving and beneficial to the other person. It’s not selfish or merely taking. It’s GIVING!
What if she doesn’t respond and encourage me back or respond by giving me sex? Good question. Keeping lavishing her with tender love without expecting something in return.
A key to affirming your wife with the heart of Jesus requires nothing in return. Verbal affirmation or adoring your wife isn’t to get something else (sex, submission, etc.). Affirm her regardless of how she responds.
Affirm your wife tenderly.
Be tender and speak sweetly to her in ways that she’ll appreciate. This means you’ll need to know your wife. Learn her. Study her. Know what her heart longs for, what she loves and appreciates. Praise her with tenderness.
Affirm your wife continuously.
An “I love you” on your wedding day or once a week, month, or year isn’t sufficient. It isn’t enough to affirm your wife. Lavishly affirm her, admire her. Repeatedly embrace her. Remember Song of Solomon? It’s full of verbal admiration of beauty, longings, attractiveness, exclusivity, and togetherness. If this book of the bible has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t praise and admire your bride enough.
The Songs is an excellent model for love and affection for your bride. But Jesus is the ultimate example. Consider how he speaks to and affirms His blood-bought bride. His words are tender, his affirmations are thoughtful. He speaks clearly, warmly, tenderly, and lavishly all throughout scripture. He shows you the way. All you have to do is follow.
If we did a part two for the men, you know there’s a part two coming for the ladies. Stay Tuned.