Are you offended by your spouse? Or tend to get easily offended by them? We hope this helps. 

What Does the Bible Say About Offense?

There are many verses about offense in the Bible. But here is one of our favorites. 

“A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city.” Proverbs 18:19

In other words, 

“When we turn hurt feelings into offendedness, we go from vulnerable to impenetrable.” Abigaile Dodds

Becoming and staying offended with your spouse hardens your heart toward them. Offense causes you to believe you have the moral high ground. Therefore, making and justifying them as villains when we get offended.  

How do I know if I’m offended by my spouse? 

Here are a few signs to watch for 

  • Withdrawal from the relationship
  • Resentment toward the other
  • Distrust has crept in
  • Tempted or commit an act of betrayal
  • Prayers remain unanswered (Mark 11:25)
  • Begin to feel or be rebellious
  • You brood over the offense

Help! I’m Offended. Now what?

Even if you’ve discovered you’ve become offended with your spouse, you don’t have to stay there. Here are some solutions to dealing with the offense.

Do not give Satan a foothold. Offense causes us to give the enemy a foothold in our life and marriage.  

How to Stay Unoffended in Marriage

Sooner or later, it’s going to happen. You are going to get hurt by your spouse. It may happen because of a comment, glance, or action. What we do with the hurt determines if it becomes an offense. 

Here’s how to stay unoffended in your relationship.

Don’t Brood

Brooding, sitting on, or thinking about what your spouse did or said to you often will shift you from being hurt to becoming offended. We have a choice on   

“Offenses aren’t given; they are taken.’ And it’s true. It is our choice whether or not to agree with satan’s suggestions to get offended about the ‘raw deal’ we got. And taking an offense is a great way to hinder the progress God is making in your life and work. You can get stuck as you brood on it. That old artist’s lie that ‘no one understands me, it’s me against the world’ can pop up.” Patricia King

Brooding or allowing the offense to roll around in our thoughts

Choose Not to Be Offended

Sounds crazy, right? Choose not to be offended? Yes. We can choose to pick up the offense or forgive. We see it in scripture. 

“There are examples in the scriptures of people who had opportunities to be offended but chose not to be offended. Joseph (Jacob’s son) had opportunity to be offended in his brothers, but he chose not to be offended. He saw their actions against him as what God allowed in others to save their family from the imminent famine. Also, Jesus was not offended by the actions of those who crucified Him. He saw it as what must be done for mankind to be saved. Instead, in Luke 23:34, he asked God to forgive them, for they knew not what they were doing.” (Ngozi Ifeoma Nwoke, in the Steps with God article, “A Christian Attitude Towards Being Offended”)

Joseph let go of offenses. Jesus did, too, as well as many others, as they looked to God. Remind yourself not to pick up the offense is a big part of the battle. It may take some practice. But you can do it! 

A Final Thought

Let us leave you with one final thought. 

“Forfeiting our right to anger makes us deny ourselves and makes us others-centered. When we start living this way, it changes everything.” Phil Chan

Your marriage may be good, but it can be GREAT! We help couples to build a marriage that lasts a lifetime through fun marriage retreats, premarital counseling, and relationship coaching. Contact Eagle Family Ministries at 479.464.4442.