Intimacy After children is a challenge most marriages battle on a regular basis.

Prior to the arrival of little ones, it is much easier to focus on each other’s needs, and all our attention is toward our spouse. When children are born, our focus tends to shift to them, and although they are a blessing, those cute little bundles of wonderful are enormous time and energy sponges. It is natural to want to devote all our time and energy into them because they cannot survive without us.  Instead of tending to the needs of our spouses, we end up diverting the attention to the tiny humans.  After all, our spouses are grown men and women, capable of fending for themselves, and the children are not. Maintaining intimacy after children is a challenge many marriages face on a regular basis. Couples must be intentional to create marital intimacy after children.

Intimacy is Not Just About Sex

When most people hear the word “intimacy,” they automatically think about sex in marriage.  Although it is true that it is an essential element of intimacy, it is not the only way to experience it.  Other than sexual intimacy, couples develop emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy as well. Along with the physical aspect, one way to characterize intimacy is as a friendship or a private, cozy atmosphere.  Continuing to build our friendship in marriage paves the way to that beautiful gift of sexual intimacy in marriage, even after children.

How to Foster a Private, Cozy Atmosphere

  • HAVE FUN AND HANG OUT TOGETHER! Raising children can be tough.  It can seem like serious business being responsible for little humans.  People fall into the rut of surviving each day and forget to have fun as a couple. Be silly, be playful, and laugh together! Prioritize dates to “hang out” without the kids.  Schedule it, and do not compromise that precious alone time together. Need some ideas?  Here are 51 cheap date ideas to get you started.
  • ROMANCE each other.  Wooing each other is not just for holidays like Valentine’s Day.  We can fill love tanks by expressing our affection verbally or by small, meaningful acts daily.  Find romance in marriage ideas here .
  • DREAM TOGETHER!  You dreamed of life together before marriage and kids.  The new additions do not have to bring that part of your relationship to a screeching halt. If you have accomplished most of them, dream more together!intimacy in marriage, dream
  • TALK more!  Remember that before you became “mom” and “dad,” you were friends FIRST.   Friends talk about more than the daily routines.  They share fun and intimate thoughts and feelings.  
  • TOUCH each other regularly!  Non-sexual touching makes us feel loved and connected to each other.  Hugging and holding hands are useful ways to focus on our spouse.

Healthy Marriage = Healthy Children

The draw to shift focus primarily onto our kids is overwhelming, but it is detrimental to marriage and intimacy. What we forget is that our children need us to have healthy marriages for them to grow up healthy and happy.  Studies show that children of happily married parents are more secure. Also, it is our model that they will emulate to help them have successful marriages.  

Keeping intimacy alive, especially after children, is crucial to marital success and raising secure children.